Note:  I started drafting the following entry on Friday, March 9th.  I didn't post it right away because I was allowing myself another day or two to collect more thoughts about the pregnancy.  Little did I know at the time that another day or two later ETF would already be born and I would have no time to post the entry before my pregnancy was over.  Here is the blog entry as it was drafted on Friday March 9, 2012 (two days before ETF was born) and now posted on Thursday, April 5, 2012 (25 days after ETF was born).


Random Thoughts About This Pregnancy (written Friday, March 9, 2012)


1. More queasiness in the first trimester as compared to last pregnancy.  Last pregnancy was pretty much symptom-free.  This time around I was constantly tired during the first few months.  I also felt dizzy.  In fact, now I  sometimes get reminded of those feelings of dizziness if I do something I had done in the first trimester.  For example, during my first trimester Chloe watched a lot of "Wonder Pets" on Netflix.  Then she stopped watching this show for a while.  Recently she asked to watch it again.  I sat with her to watch it and interestingly I had a deja vu  feeling of the dizziness again.  No, it's not the show that gets me dizzy, it's the reminder of my first trimester.


2. Both Randy and I have not been able to enjoy this pregnancy as much as last time and the reason is Chloe.  She is taking our attention away with her needs.  This is vastly unlike last time when we had no kid to attend to and we were 100% focused on the pregnancy.  This time I wonder if we are even 50% focused.  For me, maybe.  But for Randy, probably much less since he's taking on caring for Chloe more.


3. Since it's sort of a been-there-done-that experience, the experience this time is definitely less novel or unique. Not only to us, but for people around us as well.  I guess that's the unfairness associated with being #2.  Sorry ETF.


4.  At around the same time I got pregnant, my company announced it was going into bankruptcy reorganization.  After months of speculation of what is going to happen, now the company is in the process of transferring ownership to our three primary creditors.  Rumors also have it that the new owners are simultaneously in the process of selling our flagship station in the SF market to another company.  My job duties span across 3 stations in SF - the flagship station rumored to be being sold and two smaller ethnic stations for which I take on a main role in their operations.  It's not over-exaggerating to say the reason these two other stations function so smoothly is because of me.  But...as they say in business, nothing/no one is irreplaceable.  With the new owners taking charge, no one in the company is safe from being replaced or all out eliminated.


The dark cloud of possibly losing my job has been hanging over me since the beginning of this pregnancy.  As optimistic as I am, I am also realistic. With two mouths to feed plus a mortgage to pay, Randy and I cannot afford losing one income.  I started to look for a new job back in September (still within my first trimester) to hedge against being laid off.  I had a good interview with one company who seemed very interested in me.  But for whatever reason they dragged their feet in the hiring process and didn't reach out to me again until late December.  They were ready to offer me the job with the caveat of needing me to travel for training in late January, which would have been well into my third trimester.  Not sure whether or not I should travel in my third trimester plus the uncertainty of insurance benefits with a new company (whether or not paid maternity kicks in right away) plus having to take a lot of time off for doctor visits during the probation period as a new hire, etc etc all pointed to changing jobs in my third trimester as NOT being a good idea.  So this company and I came to a mutual agreement that we will delay the prospect of me joining their team until I am done with my maternity leave.  We agreed to reconvene when I'm ready and see where things are for both parties. So...due to no fault of ETF's....it's just all a big "bad timing", I couldn't seize the opportunity for a new job even though I was proactive in looking for one.


When news of the bankruptcy first broke, I wasn't sure how quickly I will lose my job and subsequently my insurance coverage.  Will this drag on long enough for me to go into the delivery room with my current insurance?  If I have to jump over to Randy's insurance, will we have enough time to get the change processed?  Will I have to change doctor and hospital affiliation because Randy is on a totally different network?  All those were my concerns earlier in my pregnancy and the company's bankruptcy proceedings.  Now that we are already in the calendar month of ETF's arrival, I can rest easier knowing that I can go into the delivery room with insurance coverage with my own doctor at our chosen hospital.  This is one big financial relief.  However, as I prepare to go on maternity leave, the idea of possibly not having a job to return to still lingers.  All these worked together in the last many months to darken the mood of happily awaiting the arrival of a new baby.


Post Note: Last week my work formally informed me that I will be retained at my job after the bankruptcy proceedings are over.  Even though our flagship station will be sold, I am needed to run the remaining two ethnic stations.  I will be retained at my current salary and benefits.  The dark cloud of possibly losing my job has finally passed and I lived to say I have weathered the storm.